This year’s NaNoWriMo is coming to an end. In a way, it feels very strange not to have taken part. There are parts of it – the frenzy, the camaraderie, the working toward a goal – that I missed as I watched from the sidelines this year.
But the actual writing? Not so much.
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I’ve been writing for almost as long as I’ve been reading. I kept writing even during the years that I wasn’t reading. Some of it was blogging and terrible poetry, but most of it was fiction. I’ve never had any serious thoughts of becoming a published author, but when I first stumbled upon NaNoWriMo, I fell in love with the idea of writing a novel… even if it was just for me.
But I discovered over the years that it’s not the writing that’s the hard part. Not to say it doesn’t have its own challenges, especially trying to fit it around the rest of your life. But when you give yourself permission to suck – an aspect of NaNoWriMo I took to quite quickly – the writing itself is relatively easy. Turning it into something worth reading, that’s the tricky part. And whether or not I was just writing for myself, I still wanted to make it worth reading, something I could be proud of.
I’ve done NaNoWriMo five times. I walked away with five completed drafts. Not one of them ever made it any further than that.
And at some point over the last year, I just sort of realized… I don’t care anymore. Fiction isn’t where my heart lies. I don’t care about churning out the words if I’m not going to do anything with them, and I think I’ve finally realized that I’m never going to do anything with them. And I’m strangely okay with that.
It doesn’t feel so much like giving up on a goal as realizing I didn’t care about the goal as much as I thought I did. If I wanted to put myself out there and really make a go at publishing a book, it would be different. But I don’t. This was only ever for me anyway.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop writing completely. But I put far more of myself into my blog than I ever put into my fiction, and it feels natural in a way that all that other writing never did.
Five years from now I might feel differently, but for now, I’ll stick to reading about other worlds and other lives… and writing about my own.
Are you an aspiring writer?
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I decided right of the bat that I did not want to participate in that. I’m more of a memoir/non-fiction writer. I would love to write fiction, but it just isn’t in me at this point.
You could participate as a “rebel,” meaning you write whatever you want, but still take part in the community. That’s probably what I’ll do if I ever get the itch to participate again.
I’ll think about that.Thanks.
Fair enough! I’ve never done NaNoWriMo, although not because I don’t think it would be fun or good for me; there’s just always been something happening in November that made it impossible. (Or I’ve forgotten about it until a week into November.) I think it’s just up to you whether it’s worthwhile!
The first time I did it, I actually didn’t sign up until the 6th, I think it was. I still finished with time to spare. But I was in my final year of college at the time… writing a novel makes for a wonderful excuse for procrastination from end-of-semester projects.
What a thoughtful post, as long as you’re happy and as you say it isn’t forever, just for now!
It’s something I’ve been thinking about all month. I imagine that if I participate in the future it will be as a NaNo rebel… but who knows?
I didn’t realise you wrote Charleen. And it doesn’t sound like you gave up on your goal, it sounds like you worked hard at it, accomplished a lot (5 drafts!) and have just moved on. I have no ambitions to be a writer but like you I find I put a lot of my thoughts and feelings into my blog. I feel it allows me to be creative and that just seems to satisfy some need within me.
Thanks, Trish. Blogging is a much better fit for my creative outlet, I think.
I did try to write, this is my first time. I enjoyed the experiance and realize that it is hard to stick to it. I didn’t get very far but have learned from the try. Thanks for your information.
Nice. Think it’s something you’ll do again?
This is very interesting. I did my first NaNoWriMo this year and it was surprisingly easy to write the 50k words. I really do hope I will manage to revise them as the story is supposed to go up on the blog. So far, it was a great exercise and who knows, maybe I will someday write something worthwhile or I will just end up with a bunch of drafts like you, it’s too early to tell.
There is no shame in realising your just not interested in this thing anymore, that’s totally okay.
It’s a great opportunity to just go for it and see what happens. Good luck, whatever you end up doing!
I did NaNo two years ago, because there was a story in my head that I couldn’t get out. It wasn’t good or anything, but it was THERE. I used to write ALL the time. I never shared it with anyone, but reading and writing were what people knew me for. I kind of went through a period lately where I had not been writing at all, and then I was struck with the need to get stuff out of my head again. I almost wanted to do NaNo just to meet other writers and stuff. I’m not really set on publishing or anything, but I do enjoy and feel the need to write sometimes. ANYWAY, I’m glad you figured out it wasn’t worth it for you, letting things go when the time is right is always a good feeling! And I’m glad you found what you needed in blogging!
I definitely get the needing to get stuff out of your head. Unfortunately, I do still get those story ideas. They haven’t stopped. It’s sort of irritating having the inspiration but not the inclination to put in the effort.
I want to write a novel, but I think I’d rather write my own memoirs more. I know myself better than I know anything else, and I think it’s a better place to start. If that makes sense. I’ve never done NaNoWriMo, but I want to. One day.
It’s a ton of fun. I’ve never gone to any in-person events, but I know there are a ton back in the Chicago area. Kick-off parties, wrap-up parties… all sorts of parties. It’s right up your alley. (Oh, and there’s writing too…)